This is the fourth blog I’ve created within the last 20 years starting with Livejournal and Xanga. Then I tried WordPress more recently under a pseudonym and that fell by the wayside. I don’t think I’m going to reveal my name on this one either since it’s just an outlet for me to express my feelings about things. None of it is going to be important enough to expose who I really am. But if I’m inclined to do so, I will.
A little about me:
- I’m a professional writer. Yes, professional. More specifically, a technical writer for an aerospace company. Sounds fancy doesn’t it?
- I’ve recently picked up Brazilian jiu jitsu as a hobby and a way of exercise. I suck, but it’s loads of fun.
- I’m approaching my mid-thirties. But I look like I’m 17. No joke. It’ll be useful when I’m 50.
- I’m female. A gay female. No girlfriend as of yet. I’m working on that.
- I’m going to attempt to get my M.A. and Ph.D. in English, but it’s going to be a long road toward those goals. Maybe this blog will help me achieve my pipe dream by keeping me on track through reflecting on my past and focusing on the future.
So, I guess that’s it for now. It’s late and I’ve got work tomorrow. More to come soon. I’ll catch you on the flip side.
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A lot has happened in a year.
- I was laid off last September from my technical writing job and discovered that it’s not as stable of a profession that I thought it would be.
- I took two more semesters of English classes in an attempt to get closer to being admitted into the MA program at my school. I have just one more semester to go of taking undergrad classes until applying (again) to the MA program.
- I actually applied to the MA program for Fall 2018, but did not get in because my undergrad GPA was too low. That’s why I’m taking English classes to increase my GPA. Let’s hope I do well next semester.
- My crush (on the girl from last year that I wrote about) went away. And now, I’m crushing on one of my female professors and a girl from my part-time job that I have that helps make ends meet.
- I stopped having time to do BJJ because of school, but I hope to get back into it. After breaking my toe, my BJJ routine went out the window.
I can’t complain about how things are going, despite the fact that I don’t have a full-time job. I love having free-time to do whatever I want. And I love taking these English classes. I’ve gotten comments from my professors that I’d be a great candidate for the MA program at CSUF.
I had to cancel my BJJ gym membership because it got too expensive. But I know somewhere down the line I’ll get back into it. My part-time job actually has me running around a lot, so I feel like I haven’t been gaining TOO much weight. Though, I am really out of shape now.
That’s all I could think of writing at the moment. I’ll try to update regularly.
It’s been such a long time since I’ve blogged. I broke my toe doing Brazilian jiu-jitsu a couple of weeks ago, so I’m out for four weeks. I was doing a move called the kimura sweep from guard and the girl I flipped over landed on my foot and crushed my toe. I heard it crack in two places, but I thought that it was just like cracking knuckles. I didn’t think much of it until the following day when it hurt a lot. I went to my doctor and sure enough, it was broken.
I just woke up from a dream about my crush. It was about us getting married. In my dream, I was super nervous and excited waiting for the ceremony to start. I was asking the people around me if she was really there and shared my concern for her walking out on me. They assured me that she was actually there. They told me she was around the corner in the next room waiting for me. She was wearing a beautiful pink dress and a cute hat. It was a wonderful feeling until I woke up feeling cheated since it wasn’t real.
In actuality, I haven’t spoken to her in a month. This is done out of hoping my crush on her would go away, but time is only making it stronger. Well, on some days, it seems like it’s working. But when I have dreams like these, it renews my feelings for her.
I remember my crush telling me one time that she likes it when other people make the first move on her. I’m scared shitless to do that though. What if I tell her and she stops talking to me completely because she freaks out? Am I willing to take that risk?
On another note, classes start for me next week. I’m so excited! I’m taking some English literature classes. They aren’t literature classes per se, but they do fall under the subject English literature. One class involves learning skills to tutor reading and composition and the other teaches us how English “works”. It also serves as a linguistics class. I’m looking forward to going to school and being around people that are super friendly and approachable. I haven’t met one person at that school that is snobby or thinks that they are smarter than others. Everyone there is so collegial. I love it.
I’ll attempt to blog about what I learn in these classes to keep the material fresh in my mind. I might get too busy though since I’ll be working full time, going to school, and doing Brazilian jiu-jitsu. Breaking my toe doesn’t deter me from going. I’m actually looking forward to coming back… with a vengeance.
I have computer issues at work, so here I am blogging. Not much has been going on so that’s why I haven’t updated in a few days.
Work’s been busier than usual. My PO is on paternity leave so I’ve been having to do a bulk of my projects without his guidance. Thank god for my colleague who’s very helpful. I don’t know where I’d be without his tutelage.
Most everyone’s network is down and I’m contemplating going home. But my PO’s boss is probably not going to allow that.
I’m excited to take classes toward my M.A. In a little less than a month, I’ll be a student again. I don’t know why I like school. However, I hated law school. Maybe because it was cutthroat. There’s a lot of camaraderie being an undergrad and it seems that it’ll be just as good in grad school if not better.
There’s so many things I want to do but time and money limit me. If nothing hindered me, I’d probably be a superhero. Or maybe just super talented. Same thing though, right?
Interstellar is one of those movies that makes you question your perception of the universe. For some reason, it makes me think of my relationship with my mom especially when Coop sees Murph for the last time before she dies. She says, “A parent shouldn’t watch their child die.” I don’t think that any loved one should see another loved one die. It makes me cry when I see that scene. I wish my mom were still around today, but then again, she’d be really old.
In the movie, they talk about how love isn’t quantifiable since it’s an emotion that isn’t concrete. But love transcends space and time in the five dimensional tesseract Coop finds himself in after entering the event horizon of a wormhole. The five dimensional tesseract quantifies love since it turns the abstract emotion of a parent’s love for their child into a concrete one. One where you can manipulate the gravitational forces to send them a message from beyond.
This just doesn’t apply to parent/child love, but I think it also applies to romantic love. Let this be my tesseract that sends a message to my crush, telling her that I’ve had feelings for her ever since I’ve met her and even if I don’t see or talk to her, my attraction for her is still there.
This love is unrequited. And I think it might stay this way. Unfortunate.
Remember in grade school when we would get out early for, say, teachers’ meetings? I used to love those days since I wouldn’t tell my mom that I had a shortened day and I’d just go hang out with friends after school. Yes, my mom was pretty strict, but she loosened up as I got older.
Today is a shortened day for me at work. I’m meeting with a counselor at CSUF to get her signature for some classes I plan to take in the fall. Classes that will get me closer to getting my master’s. I have renewed hope that I could be a strong candidate since the department vice chair told me he’d help with my application. He told me that I have the skills to write effectively. If I didn’t get confirmation of my writing and analytical skills, I don’t think I would’ve thought to pursue my M.A.
You may be thinking, “What will you do with a master’s and Ph.D in English? Teach?” The answer to that is kind of gray. I want to do research and write essays, articles, excerpts in books, etc. But in order to do that, I need to get a teaching position at a university.
Let me tell you: I can’t teach for shit. I write better than I could explain. I never used to be this way. I’ll explain why in another post.
My body aches. Getting your ass kicked in jiu jitsu will do that to you.
Back to work.